Purg

One: An Evening Meal

                               “Melvin Lasky was a good man.  He was in the car sales business for 10 years and was the top seller at Hannon Ford all of those years. He is survived by his beautiful wife Delia (35) and his two children Harriet (12) and Carl (9). Melvin actively donated to the church and served in the yearly Feed the Homeless ministry since before he met his beloved wife Delia.  He is also survived by his mother Ann Davis (69, divorced, remarried), his father George Lasky (71, divorced, never remarried), and his step father Melvin Davis (45, old enough to be his brother and the first name is just a coincidence). He will be forever missed and loved by all who knew him.”  

This is what Mel thought of as he stood over his own body, slouched on the table with the left part of his face mushed into a plate of spent chicken bones, mashed potatoes and gravy with his large black rimmed glasses now askew on his face and his eyes staring blankly off into nothingness. His black hair somewhat draped half over the top of his glasses. Time seemed frozen as he looked around the nice oak dining room table. The expressions on his children’s face were jaw dropped both with chewed food still in their mouths.  His wife was just in the middle of looking up from her meal.  She had selective hearing so she may not have heard him choke.  “Maybe she did hear me choking and knowingly delayed (for her satisfaction) getting up and then faked (for the sake of the kids) her concern.” he thought.  He couldn’t see that yet.  He was obviously already dead and time seemed to move slowly.  At that point Mel wasn’t really concerned much about his own body. He was really planning on just waiting for time to eek along slowly so she could see how his wife did react.  He looked at his wife with some slight disdain. He knew what killed him.  Those damn overcooked chicken wing bones.  They snap easy and the meat can sometimes wrap that snapped bone in already half masticated food making you oblivious to what is going on and giving you a false sense of security much like the crew of the Titanic gave their passengers. “Pay no attention to the rising water. We hit something but this ship is unsinkable. You’ll see.  Go back to your cigars and your chess games and your wealthy rich people ignorance.  If you didn’t know there were poorer people on this boat you won’t know we just hit an iceberg and that we’re all going to die.”  

The chicken was dry.  It was always dry. She overcooked it but he pretended for years and years like it was the most delicious food he had ever tasted.  He wondered if she had cooked chicken that way in the hopes that this is exactly the way he would die.  He knew she didn’t love him. He was sure his kids followed their mothers sentiment about their Dad.  He may as well have just not been there at all.  He remembered when they first met that she was a really good cook and that chicken was never dry.  Mel looked over at his kids.  Would he REALLY miss them?  Harry is what he called his daughter because he hated her name as much as she did.  When Harriet was born Delia told him she had a name picked out for her and that it wasn’t much up for debate. Delia did tend to lay down the law in that house.  Harry was a pre teen and was constantly yelling at her Dad.  When she was younger they had such a great relationship and she rarely got along with her mother.  That had changed in recent years as Harry had started turning into Delia and more than likely saw in Mel what Delia saw in Mel.  Not much.  Carl was more like his Dad.  He wasn’t really there even when he was THERE.  Mel had encouraged Carl to throw the ball around with him but all Carl ever wanted to do was read his comic books and science magazines.  Mel tried to be cool one year and bought Carl a video game system.  He figured maybe Carl would be like other kids buried in their technology once Carl had some sort of electronic entertainment.  Carl never played it though.  It just sat there and collected dust under his comic books and magazines.  Delia would criticize Mel for pretty much anything despite bringing home cool or thoughtful things home for the kids.  Mel was passive though. He would just allow this to keep happening, shouldering his anger.  Mel would come home from having another great day at the dealership and the reception from his family was cold and distant.  Staring at his kids he remembered how much that hurt.  They never came down from their rooms and Delia often gave him one word answers when he asked her how her day was.  

Mel didn’t notice the old man standing behind him. He had thinning white hair and walked with a slight slouch.  The old man wore slacks, a cream colored business shirt and tie with rainbow suspenders holding his pants up.  

“Your thoughts are really one sided kid.” said the old man with a Jersey like accent.  Mel turned around looking at the old man standing in the corner of his dining room.  

“Who are you?” Mel asked. “How did you get in here?”  

The old man walked towards Mel and stood next to him staring at Mel’s family.  The old man talked to Mel like he knew him and clearly ignoring what Mel had just asked him.  “You did really good at that dealership kid.  Course you did really well there because you illegally swindled people out of their money by manipulating invoices.  You’re thinking about how your family treated you?  How about Gina?  You know. Gina.  The 28 year old piece of ass you’d been banging on the side for what? Five years now?  You don’t think your wife KNEW?  You know she knew pal.  You also know Carl keeps to himself because he SAW you when he was out with his mom, your WIFE, at the grocery store.  You remember because you saw him back. Of course your hand was still on Gina’s ass walking out of the restaurant. Whoof-aa that red dress. Where were you headed? You remember don’t you?  That nice little motel on 8th and Jackson?  Every Thursday like clockwork?  Sorry to say you died on a Wednesday. Tough break kid.” the old man chuckled. The chuckle turned into a laugh as the old man continued to shake his head.  Mel knew this guy was poking fun at him and looked a little upset.  Nudging his black rimmed glasses back up on his face he asked the old man again. 

“Who…the fuck….are you?”  The old man stopped laughing and put his thumbs under his suspenders looking seriously at Mel.  

“I’m the last person who’ll ever give a shit about you pal so watch your mouth.  Think about it. Time moving slowly? I’m not moving slowly with it and I’m here talking to you? I’ll let you figure it out.” said the old man.  

Mel stared at the old man in frustration for what felt like ten minutes then his facial expression changed.  His finger went up pointing at the old man. “So you’re the… No way. You really exist?” asked Mel.  

“In the flesh. Literally.” said the old man.  “I have to put this old man suit on every time I go out on a job.”  

“So you normally look like..” Mel paused.

“Yep. Bones most of the time” said the old man.  “I used to wear the black hood and carry a knife on a stick though.”

“Why don’t you wear it anymore?” asked Mel

“Big guy said I was scaring people” said the old man.

“Big guy?” asked Mel looking confused.

“Yeah. You know. The big guy.  Sorry kid. I should probably fix what I’m saying.  To you he’s the ‘Big Guy’. God. What you’ve been raised to understand as God being a ‘him’” said the old man. “Actually the one you all know as God can be anything or anyone.  Some people just call God ‘God’.  No ‘him’ or ‘her’ to it.”  Mel looked confused. “So what do I call you?” asked Mel.  

“I prefer Mirg. That’s my name.  I like that name.” said the old man.  

“But aren’t you known as the Grim Reaper?” asked Mel

“A long time ago it was just Mirg. Some dead asshole with too much time on his hands leaked to one of the living what my real name was.” said Mirg.  “Then that moron decided to move some letters around and make me sound scary by adding ‘Reaper’ to the end.”  

Mel looked over at his family and then back at Mirg. “So you’re here to take me away then?” asked Mel looking a bit defeated.  

“Don’t act like you’re being placed under arrest kid.” said the old man.  “When some people die they don’t know they’re dead. Matter of fact as people, especially in America, are getting dumber lately my job is more and more boring.  I can only show up to people who KNOW they’re dead.  It used to be I never went home because I had one job after another but ignorance has really slowed business.  You’re my first customer all day.  At least I can say still that one person per day know’s they’re dead.”

“So I’m still smarter than most dead people?” ask Mel.

“Yeah but you’re still an idiot.” said Mirg.  “We gotta go now though so less talking and more moving. Take my hand would ya?” 

Mel looked at Mirg with a look like he didn’t swing that way. “Like I said, you’re an idiot. Look it’s not like that. On this little trip we’re taking, you have to have hold of me so you don’t get lost.” said Mirg shaking his head and mumbling an inaudible expletive. 

Mel took Mirg’s hand and looked back at his family. That dining table frozen in time which now looked like a magazine cutout surrounded by black nothingness. He honestly wasn’t going to miss any of them and they would’t miss him either.

“You got that right kid.” said Mirg.

“I understand the need to hold your hand but would you seriously stop doing that? Listening to my thoughts?” asked Mel. 

“Sorry kid. Bad habit.” said Mirg

Mirg started walking and pulling Mel along. As they started walking, As they walked into the darkness the dining room got smaller and smaller behind them.  For what seemed like hours they walked and walked through the nothingness until there was one tiny light in the distance.  Mel couldn’t make out what color the light was. Sometimes it was white, sometimes it was a tint of blue or red.  They walked for a long time in silence. Mel’s eyes focused on the light that continued to get larger and larger.  After a few more hours of walking the light slowly broke into three separate colors. One red, one blue and one white.  Mel, being assumptive on where he was supposed to go, took the lead starting to pull Mirg in the direction of the white point of light.  Mirg stopped and pulled Mel to a stop.

“Where do you think you’re going kid? asked Mirg.

“The white light is Heaven right? I thought we were going there.” said Mel.

“You’re an even bigger idiot than I thought.  We’re not going to Heaven kid. That’s not where I’m taking you.” chuckled Mirg

Mel looked confused. “I don’t understand. Why wouldn’t we be going to Heaven?  I went to church like, every Sunday. That has to be worth something.” said Mel raising his voice slightly.

“Do you REALLY think you should go to Heaven kid? Cmon. Don’t lie to yourself. Be smart for once in your life.” said Mirg shaking his head and staring at Mel waiting for some sort of genuine realization to materialize on his face.

Mel thought about Heaven and the unlimited food and fun and hot sex with as many Gina’s as he wanted but then he thought about everyone he had hurt.  He had to face the fact that his family didn’t love him because he didn’t love them. He didn’t even love Gina.  He didn’t even love himself.  A tear ran down Mel’s eye. He started walking in the direction of the red light pulling Mirg behind him.

“Whoa whoa. Wrong again pal. You really don’t believe in yourself at all do ya kid? Why would I take you there? That place is for the lost kid. You’re not lost.” said Mirg.

“But I’m a sneaky cheater.  I’m a bad guy with no love for anything. I’ve hurt so many fucking people” said Mel almost crying.

Mirg looked a bit disgusted at Mel. “Ah geez with the waterworks knock if off kid. Look. If walking to Heaven was something you insisted on, not even realizing WHY you shouldn’t go there, I wouldn’t walk you to the red light. I’d carry you up to it with you kicking and screaming and throw you in and be happy in watching you burn while the pain you put on others tormented your soul for eternity” argued Mirg.

“That’s oddly specific.” said Mel wiping the tears from his face. “Okay so what’s in the blue light since that’s the only choice left?”

“Don’t worry kid” said Mirg. “I’ll show you.

Two: The Offer

Mel woke up on a subway train moving at a steady pace. It was mostly empty except for a few people sitting and standing.  The car itself looked very old and worn down. There were holes in the blue cushions of the bench seats, blank poster cases that at one point or another may or may not have had an advertisement in them, the rubber walkway that stretched from the front to the back of the car had vague definitions of the vertical lines it may have once had when it was new.  The grab bars looked scuffed with rust in certain places. The only thing in the car that looked slightly clean was the steel walls and floor.  Mel looked out the window and saw a city’s downtown area with buildings of different heights and styles.  Some with brick and gargoyles and others slightly newer with mirrored windows. It was bright out but Mel couldn’t find the sun anywhere in the sky.  The city seemed to have the dullest tinge of blue to it. At some points it was hard to tell the difference between the sky and something on the ground.  At the city’s center stood a skyscraper that looked to be seventy stories high.  The very top of the skyscraper seemed to have a triangle shape that ended the building at a sharp point to its left or right depending on the direction it was being seen from.  The train seemed to be headed closer to where this building was.  Mel hadn’t even noticed Mirg sitting right next to him.

“Beautiful ain’t it kid?” marveled Mirg as a smile stretched out his wrinkled face in delight at seeing the skyscraper.

Mel looked back at Mirg then back at the building getting larger as they got closer to it. “Why is that the only skyscraper in the city?” asked Mel. “Better yet, why is there a skyscraper at all?”

“Offices” said Mirg.  “Just like in the land of the living there is a place to go where things are organized and talked about kid. Even in a place like this.”

“Okay so where is THIS then?” asked Mel looking a little frustrated.

“There’s a lot of names for this place but you probably know it as Purgatory.” said Mirg. Mel had a confused look on his face.  Mirg nodded in understanding. “Maybe not everybody’s heard of Purgatory.” said Mirg. Mel put his hands out and shook his head indicating he still didn’t understand.  Mirg gave a long sigh. “Its still hard to believe that so little of the living have never heard of Purgatory.  It’s the way you people think isn’t it? Heaven or Hell.  Good or bad. Black or white. Never any middle.” said Mirg in passive mockery. “No wonder really good adults grow up with so much anguish in doing the right thing and beating themselves up when it doesn’t work out that way.  Their parents never told them about this place.  Friggin morons.  That’s the reason so many end up here. They tried, they failed, so they gave up and did things that weren’t good or horrible never wanting to do their best but also never wanting to stoop to low’s that would hurt too many people.  Or they just mildly hurt a lot of people throughout their lives without saying sorry or trying to make a mends.  Maybe if parents had just told their kids about a place where the not so bad and the not so great ended up, they would have grown up with less anxiety and learned to do good because they wanted to.” said Mirg.

Mel was staring at Mirg the whole time and then shook his head. “This isn’t the first time you’ve expressed your opinion about this is it? Honestly I knew it existed and my parents didn’t tell me about it.  It came up in deep conversation back in high school when me and a bunch of buddies were smoking weed behind the school.” said Mel

“Wait a minute kid.” asked Mirg looking confused.  “You were TOLD this place existed? Why the hell did you act like you didn’t know what I was talkin about?”

“I was putting my hands out because I couldn’t believe it was real and I was HERE.” said Mel. “Way to ask an actual question old man. Besides. I thought you could read my thoughts.”

Mirg shook his head. “I can only read them when I’m in the in between or the living world.” said Mirg.  “Once we’re here all that goes away.  I’m no more or less powerful than you are. Looks like we’re here kid.”

Mel hadn’t noticed that the outside world was gone again and that they were in an old concrete subway station. As Mirg was stammering to his feet, Mel looked through the dirty subway car window with the station moving slower as the train came to a stop.  Where the platform ended there was one lit and flickering sign on the wall that read “Purg HQ” and had an arrow pointing upwards and a pair of dented elevator doors beneath it.  Mel followed Mirg off the train and they walked to the elevator which opened as soon as they got close to it.  The noise the doors made as they opened creaked so loudly that Mel winced but the noise didn’t seem to bother Mira. Mel looked at Mirg as they got on the elevator and Mirg pushed a button that said “64” on it. 

“Purg?” asked Mel?

“Yeah kid. That’s what we call it” said Mirg.  “We kinda had to make it our own.”

“And I’m guessing Purg HQ is the big skyscraper huh?” asked Mel.

“Somebody give the kid a prize.” said Mirg shaking his head.

The elevator made it to the 64th floor and Mirg and Mel got off.  To their right was a reception desk that looked like it was from the early seventies.  The whole floor seemed to be adorned in a brown and beige color. The floor had what looked like executive offices around the outer rim and every one of those offices had beige vertical blinds with beige carpeting and the window frames seeing into those offices were all brown.  The carpet was beige with the walls being the same color and the moldings being brown.  The inner part of the floor had beige office stalls with brown framing. Mel could see that some had old computer monitors that probably used to be white but were now a smoke stained creme color.  He could hear the clicking of old keyboards and he even heard some typewriters going including the one at the receptionists desk.  Mirg looked off to his right where a beautiful slender young redheaded woman was sitting.

“Heya Belle!!” said Mirg greeting the redheaded receptionist. “Long time no see.”

Belle was wearing golden framed glasses that were too big for her head and had a chain hanging on either side so she could drop them to her neck if she needed to take them off. She looked up for a moment then back down then back up again and shot up in here chair. Belle had a look of disbelief on her face and took her glasses off slowly and let them rest on her bosom. A smile slowly came to her face as she giggled, jumped up and down and then ran out from behind the receptionists desk and gave Mirg a huge hug.

“MY GOODNESS ITS SOOOO GOOD TO SEE YOU SIR!!” yelled Belle happily in her very high pitched New York receptionist voice.

“Good to see you too sweetheart.” said Mirg adoringly. “How ya been beautiful?”

“I just had my nine hundred and fiftieth birthday. It was so amazing!!” giggled Belle bouncing up and down. Mel couldn’t keep his eyes off her chest. “The whole floor threw me a big party. Oh you shoulda seen it Mirg. Everyone had such a good time!!”

“For Purg, that’s sayin something.” chuckled Mirg. “Forgive me sweetheart. Where are my manners?  This is Mel.  He just arrived today.”

Mel broke his gaze from Belle’s breasts to look a her cheerful face as she reached out her hand to shake his. “Its nice to meet you.” said Mel looking as if he got caught with his pants down.

Belle noticed this. “Oh don’t worry about it babe.” said Belle with a big smile. “I’m an old lady so it ain’t the first time somebody’s stared at my girls. It’s nice to meet you too sweetie!!”

“I hate to cut right to the chase sweetheart but we have to process him in.” said Mirg. It’s not official until we do.”

“Process me in?” asked Mel

“Yep. Just like becoming an American citizen from another country.” said Mirg. “We got a book for you to put your hand on and everything”

“What book am I putting my hand on?” asked Mel.

Belle grabbed an old and small brown hardcover book from behind the receptionists desk. “The book you’ll take with you. The employee handbook.” said Belle.

Mel was really confused now. “Why would I need an employee handbook?  What job am I being given?  I’m DEAD.” Mel asked with a grin on his face and a tone that indicated how ridiculous this all was.

“Mine.” said Mirg.

Three: Orientation

Mel stood looking stunned while Belle and Mirg just stared at him.  It felt almost like time slowing down after he had just died only Belle had her arms folded up under her “girls” and was tapping her right foot in her brown high heel shoes.  Mel found himself half thinking about what Mirg had just said and Belle’s boobs again.  He was still trying to process what was just said to him.  The biggest job in the afterlife was being given to HIM?  He wasn’t even sure if he wanted it. What else was he going to do though?  Walk the streets of a hazy blue city with no sun?  Would he talk to people?  Would they just be as disconnected as the world he had just left or would they be as kind as Belle or as sarcastic as Mirg? 

Mel snapped out of it. “I need to make sure I heard you right. You want ME to do YOUR job? THAT job?” asked Mel.

“I been doing this too long kid. I’m tired.” shrugged Mirg. “Dead people shouldn’t feel tired and I’m getting tired of this job. It’s been mine for thousands of years. I want to retire. I got an offer to retire wherever I want in Heaven.  I’ve only ever visited. Now I get to LIVE THERE?  Kid it’s a big deal to get into Heaven permanently.  I don’t have to wear this stupid old man suit.  Maybe I can change my look a little.  I’ve always wanted to be one of those young muscular guys running on a beach with a pretty lady on my arm and a dog. Maybe a little house near the ocean?”

Belle looked excited again and she was jumping up and down and giggling. “Oh my goodness you get to go to HEAVEN??!!” asked Belle excitedly.  “I am so happy for you babe but I’m also SO JEALOUS!!  My requests to get into Heaven have been denied almost two hundred times now.”

“I’ll put in a good word for you beautiful but maybe Purg needs your bright face since it has no sun.” said Mirg.

“You’re so sweet babe. Thanks for saying that” said Belle looking slightly touched.

Mel was still looking confused. “Wait just a second. I have no idea how to be the Angel of Death. How am I possibly qualified to do this? How am I supposed learn how to do this?” asked Mel. “Don’t you have a different job for me to do?  Maybe something that one of them do?” asked Mel pointing to the cubicles.

“Oh trust me you don’t want that job.” said Belle. “They’re caseworkers for the residents of Purg. Their goal is to get these people qualified to go to Heaven or determine if they’re lost causes so they go to Hell.  It’s not easy counseling the dead in making good decisions hon. The people that are here all have conflict and so sometimes a caseworker will have the same discussions with someone over and over on the phone or over email.  Sometimes in person.  Its frustrating for them because how well they do determines whether they get into Heaven or just stay here.  It’s much easier to get a living person to change themselves than it is a dead person.”

“You should listen to her kid.” said Mirg. “Escorting the dead isn’t glamorous but it does get you out of Purg more often.  You can at least see what Heaven is like.  Eat some food there. See a loved one who passed on before you.  Besides don’t you think your dead relatives would think you’re a hot shit for landing such a big job?”

“Do I have a choice?” asked Mel with the beginning of acceptance in his voice.

“Not really kid.” said Mirg. “People die. The dead gotta go somewhere and they got no idea where to go without me to show them. Didn’t you feel kind of lonely after you died? The other part of the job is making someone newly dead not feel so alone. You’ve had someone with you for most of the time so far.  You gotta admit that was pretty nice right?  Don’t worry kid.  I’m gonna show you the ropes before you take over.  Now please put your hand on the book. Belle?” Mirg motioned Belle to hold the book out.

“Wait.” said Mel.  “Don’t I have to READ the handbook?”

Belle laughed a little. “No silly.” she said. “You’ll know the whole book when you put your hand on it. Okay. Repeat after me. ‘I, Melvin Lasky do solemnly swear to be a beacon for the newly dead and will uphold the sight of seeing a true individual to determine their endpoint. I will mourn with the sad and scared and celebrate with the happy and joyous.’”

Mel put his hand on the book. When he did, a rush of information came into his head as if he had just read the whole book. His head hurt.  He had no idea it was possible to be dead and need an aspirin. He repeated what Belle asked him to repeat.

Belle lowered the book and smiled. “By the powers vested in me and by all the planes of the dead I hereby pronounce you the Head of the Dead.” smiled Belle. “Congratulations. You’re the first NEW Angel of Death in well over three thousand years.”

There was a boom that sounded like a muffled explosion and the building shook a little.  Mel looked stunned for a moment but Belle and Mirg seemed unphased by what had just happened. 

“What the hell was that?” asked Mel

“That was God” said Belle

“Is he…or she mad about all this?” asked Mel.

“God doesn’t get mad anymore kid.” said Mirg “That was just Gods way of saying….’so be it’”. 

Mel nodded in hesitant understanding. “Alright so what’s next?” asked Mel.

“You get to meet the team now.” said Mirg.

“Team?” asked Mel.

“Yeah. The team. Did you really think you were going to do all of this by yourself?” asked Mirg chuckling. “I mean yeah you’re in charge and all that but these people work for you. Don’t worry though. The business of death doesn’t need a lot of people really.”

Mirg and Mel said goodbye to Belle and walked to the very last door on the right. When Mirg and Mel went in they were met with birthday balloons, sparklers, noise makers, poppers and streamers of all different colors.  The room itself was the usual brown and beige but looked way bigger than humanly possible from the way it looked from the outside. There was a large old conference table with a cake and candles and four people sitting around it but widely spread out.  “CONGRATULATIONS!!” they all said.

Mel looked around. He wasn’t sure what to make of all this.  What felt like just hours before, he had been staring at his dead body and a family who didn’t like him and now he was surrounded by people who didn’t know him at all throwing him a party. Mel was stunned and not sure what to make of it all.  All he could think of was that these people were all way too happy to be stuck in Purg. He wondered what they had all done to end up there.  They all had such kindness on their faces.  “Ummm thanks?” said Mel. Mirg elbowed him. “No no. Ahhhh thank you is what I meant to say. Thank you so much for this nice greeting.” said Mel trying to force excitement.

“Its ok man. We know this is all new for you. We had leftover stuff from Belle’s party so we used them for this.” said the man at the table closest to Mel.  The man was black and young and had a friendly smile on his face. When he walked up to Mel he had to look up slightly because he was so short. “I’m Parker. Nice to meet you. Yeah yeah I know. Parker’s more of girls name, which my momma thought I was going to be.  She didn’t want to know the sex of the baby but already had the name picked out. Told my daddy that was that. I’m fifty one years old. Died when I was twenty nine so not too long ago for me. I like long walks on the beach, holding hands, sunsets…..” said Parker. Mel didn’t have much of a sense of humor so he wasn’t sure why Parker was telling him this.  Mirg was laughing. “Well uhh joking of course and I’m gonna shut up and let everyone else introduce themselves and while they do that I’m gonna go put my foot in my mouth.” said Parker.

The next person to introduce herself was a skinny wrinkled old woman. She looked like she was ninety but she moved like she was twenty.  She surprised Mel with a hug. “I’m Greta and I’ve already walked on the beach, seen sunsets and held hands.  I’m also not gonna tell you my age but I’m excited to work for ya. I bring cookies in every Monday so make sure you get em before they’re gone.” said Greta.

Mel got a tap from behind him. He honestly hadn’t seen her disappear from his view of the conference table. She was about Parkers height and looked like a young teenager. She was chewing gum and had shoulder length blonde hair and was wearing a tight ribbed white shirt and jean overalls with suspenders.  

“Mel” she said while extending her hand. 

Mel looked confused. “Yes?” he said. “Mel” she said. “That’s short for Melanie.” He looked at her for a second. “Well we have the same short name for ourselves. I’m Mel. Short for Melvin.” he said. 

“Tell ya what?” said the girl smiling.  “You can call me Mel Two so we don’t get em mixed up. Sides. You’re the boss.

“How long have you been here?” asked Mel. 

“I’m a new hire. I’ve been here a week. I’m fifteen and like you I just got here. Died of cancer. Don’t need to make a big deal out of it. Anyways. Welcome and congrats” said Mel Two walking away and popping a mini bubble in her mouth. 

Mel needed a second.  He wasn’t sure how a teenage girl who died of cancer could end up in Purg. What did she do?  Because she didn’t want to make a big deal out of it he let it go.

The last person was a chubby middle aged man who looked a little nervous. He looked a bit nerdy with silver framed glasses on his face that made him look more like a state trooper..  He took Mel’s hand in both of his and shook it to the point where Mel was shaking too.  “So so good to meet you sir. It’s a real honor. I’m Doug. If you don’t mind I’d rather keep stuff about me to myself. No offense of course. I’m not big on these parties respectfully and just want to get back to work if that’s okay with you.  I’ll be your analyst.  Anything wrong with the information you get and that’s my job to fix.  Congratulations though sir. A real real honor.”

Mel nodded. “By all means please feel free to go back to what you were doing uhh Doug.” said Mel.  “By the way what do the rest of you do?”

Mel Two who was sitting down at the conference table raised her hand. “We’re monitors.” said Mel Two.  “We basically keep an eye out for potentials.”

“Potentials?” asked Mel.

“People who we think are getting close to death.” said Mirg. “The ones we can see coming. For the record, we didn’t see you coming. Chicken bone. Nasty business. Very unexpected.”

Mel nodded. “Well. Umm what’s next everyone?”

“A walk-along” said Mirg. “You’re gonna do the work and I’m gonna walk along with you.”

“Oh boy.” said Mel shaking his head. “All this because of a chicken bone.”

Mirg chuckled.

“Lets eat some cake kid.  It my be sort of dry though” chuckled Mirg.

“Too soon” said Mel.  “Too soon”.

Four: Training Day

It had only been a short amount of time but Mel felt like he hadn’t been back in his own world in ages.  It was the middle of the day and not a cloud in the sky.  The sun was so bright.  “Oh how I’ve missed the good old sun” Mel thought.  Mirg and Mel stood next to each other on the busy shoulder of I-91.  It was a busy freeway five lanes wide.  Mel looked over and saw the seventy five mile an hour speed limit sign and shook his head.  Top speeds on American freeways were getting higher and higher meaning that at a limit of seventy five, someone would surely break that limit by five to ten miles an hour and of course no state patrol around to catch the offenders. Mirg had a cigar in his mouth and was smiling eagerly from ear to ear.  Mel noticed this.

“Every movie I’ve ever seen says the living can’t see the dead” said Mel “So can drivers see a couple of idiots standing on the shoulder of a westbound freeway in broad daylight?”

Mirg chuckled. “Luckily no kid.  The movies got the dead part right.  We can walk out in the middle of this busy freeway and cars would go right through us.” said Mel.

“What are we doing here?” asked Mel squinting his eyes.

Mirg looked at his watch. “Few more minutes”

“This is gonna be bad isn’t it?” said Mel with a worried look.

“What better way than to start you off with a traditional freeway accident?” asked Mirg cheerfully. “Its gonna be okay kid.  You’re not doing your first one by yourself.”

Mel was slightly confused at Mirg’s smile considering that at least to Mel, death was still a horrible thing. It was then that he saw the silver sedan slow down so as not to hit the big green pickup.  The red minivan behind the silver sedan had a slow reaction and swerved into the lane to the left not seeing the black car in that lane doing way more that seventy five and not able to slow down. The black car impacted the minivan while also lifting the minivans rear off the ground.  Mel could see it all in slow motion as the woman in the black car went through her own windshield and head long into the baking exhaust system of the minivan whilst the minivan began to flip and tiny flames came from the minivans gas tank and then exploded thus propelling the minivan into another complete flip while still off the ground. In that revolution the front the minivan lobbed off the head of the woman from the black car who was still flying through the air. Her body landed in a contorted and blood splattered mass near Mel. Her neck was spewing blood at the rate of someone who had left the cap off a way overfilled bottle of hot sauce. The driver of a tan old VW beetle swerved to miss the headless body laying half over the white painted line where the shoulder met the freeway and side swiped a gold SUV in the process which shoved the SUV onto its side.  The minivan had come to rest on top of a tiny yellow over priced two door coupe hatchback and had completely crushed the driver in that car as well as the driver of the minivan being crushed. Of course the driver of the VW who had caused the SUV to tip did something of a figure skater routine itself and then flipped multiple times careening into several other cars as it crossed the five lane freeway and went over the edge of the freeway. A domino effect took place as cars, trucks, SUV’s, semi’s, buses, either high end or low end either flipped or spun.  As the multiple car pileup came to a stop that there was complete silence.  Time seemed to slow and then come to a stop.  The silence was deafening for what felt like a few minutes.  There seemed to be carnage everywhere. Twisted metal with arms and legs and smeared blood on the asphalt and different colored car bodies.  Mel was still looking at the headless lady’s body when Mirg threw his cigar on the ground. “Well kid. Let’s get to work.” 

Mel didn’t realize that his mouth had been wide open for about five minutes. He began to follow Mirg through the wreckages as they both walked THROUGH actually wreckage.  Mel seemed taken aback by the amount of body parts. Mirg didn’t seem phased by it at all.  Mel noticed a young woman emerge from the wreckage first. She didn’t have a scratch on her. Her clothes weren’t torn.  Mel breathed a sigh of relief. “There’s one over there. She seems okay.  She doesn’t look hurt at all.”

“Nope. She’s dead kid.” said Mirg. “No one walks away with clean clothes and no damage. When someone dies this way they look as if they did before the accident.”

Just then the young woman spotted Mel. “Ummm. Umm sir. Sir!!  Sir??!!” Mirg nodded at Mel to go to the woman. Mel shrugged in reluctance and walked through the heap of metal to the woman as she watched him. Her face turned to disbelief.  She was a beautiful young Asian woman. “Excuse me. Excuse me. Hi. How did you do that just now?  Can you tell me what happened?  Wow this looks like a mess!!.”  

Mel looked nervous but extended his hand to shake the woman’s. “Hi I’m Mel. So nice to meet you.”

The young woman was wearing a yellow knit sweater and red jeans. She reluctantly took his hand and shook it awkwardly.  

Mel didn’t know how to explain what had just happened to the young woman. “Emmm you may want to sit down.” said Mel. The woman took his direction and tried to sit down on the mangle hood of a red sedan and fell right into it. She jumped right back up stunned. Mel walked a little closer to her. “Well to answer your first question, THAT’s how I did that.  I don’t know how to tell you this but I’m dead.  You’re dead too.  I’m so sorry.”

The woman didn’t understand and looked a little confused. “Ohhkayy? If I’m dead how is it I’m talking to youuuu…oohhhh…woooowww.” said the young woman.  She had just noticed her half crushed head peering out from the crushed frame of her windshield. Half her face was missing. “Ohhh boy that…that looks REALLY bad.” She couldn’t break her gaze for what seemed like a few minutes.

“Best really not to look at it.” said Mel. “Good news though. I’m just recently dead myself from a chicken bone so you’re in good company. I’m also the newly minted angel of death so there’s that too.”

The young woman slowly turned her had back to Mel. She didn’t look happy anymore. “Oh. Well CONGRATULATIONS!!” she screamed. “WHY would I be happy about being DEAD??!!” She started to sob a little. “This. This is just great. I was on my way to a date with this guy I REALLY liked. Now I’m dead and standing next to some nerdy looking guy who says he’s the new angel of death.  Everything’s mangled and gross.  I’M gross. Look at me.” said the lady pointing back to the crushed head. “I didn’t want to look like a smooshed grape when I died.  How am I going to get that out of my head? This is the worst day ever” said the woman as she sat on the asphalt and started crying. 

Mel knew his first task as the angel of death hadn’t gone well as he had managed to drive his first dead person to tears.  He sits down next to her. “Would you say you were a good person? You didn’t do anything too bad in your life?” asked Mel.

After a minute or two the woman stopped crying. “I guess so. I mean last year I ran over my neighbors cat by accident. I brought the lady some flowers and a small check to say sorry.” said the young woman.

“If that’s the worst thing you’ve done in your life I don’t think you have anything to worry about.” said Mel. “Look I’m new to all this so if it seems like I suck at this its because…well…I suck at this.  I know this sounds really morbid but this was a big accident.  You won’t be alone at least. If you’re scared and sad you can be scared and sad with all the other people who died.”

The woman wiped her face. “That’s slightly twisted and a little sweet.” said the woman giggling.

“Kid. Kid what the hell are you doin?” asked Mirg as his voice got closer. 

“I found my first dead person.” said Mel. 

“That’s great kid. Everyone else is waiting up ahead.  There’s a lot of em.” said Mirg

Mel and the young woman got up and walked to the shoulder where everyone else was. “Should I introduce myself?” asked Mel.

“Job’s yours kid.” said Mirg. “You might as well.”

There were people of all ages standing around. Even kids. Mel felt overwhelmed. “So my first lesson had to be a massive pileup? Seriously?” said Mel looking at Mirg.

“Best way to learn kid. Jump right in.” said Mirg.

Mel looked at the group of people for a few seconds. “Everyone. Hi everyone I’m Mel.  Let me first say I’m sorry this happened but if you haven’t already guessed, none of you survived this accident.  It’s nice to see you in one piece ma’am.” said Mel recognizing the woman who’s body was missing a head. “If you don’t know this, I am the new angel of death.  The man to my left has been in that job role for a very long time and now he’s giving the job to me.  I know the shock of all this has to be overwhelming.  I’m still processing my own death too.  Please know that the people you leave behind will miss you even if they were mad at you or hadn’t spoken to you in years. Some bad news and good news.  The bad news is you can’t stay here.  The good news is you won’t be alone where you’re going.  I get this feeling that all of you will be going to Heaven today.  I’ve never seen Heaven myself  and so this will be my first time as well.  I can’t stay though. I’m not as good as you all but maybe someday I will be.  I will say to hold any questions until we get you to where you’re going. Its better for your questions to be answered there. Uhhh…thanks. If you’ll all follow myself and the old man here, we’ll get going.” said Mel.

“Great speech kid” said Mirg. “I know that was a lot for your first time.  Let’s get these people to the pearly gates.”

“Are the gates really pearly?” asked Mel.

“Nah they’re more a wrought iron painted gold.” said Mirg.

Mirg and Mel and the crowd of people walked into the darkness again as the world shrunk away behind them.  For Mel, the walk through the darkness didn’t feel as overwhelming as it did the first time. The three lights of white, blue and red got closer and closer.  This time Mel and Mirg made a hard left to the white light. After a time there was nothing but white space all around them. Mel thought surely that he would be walking on clouds at some point. Eventually the gates that Mirg described were beginning to get into view.  They were gold with little bits of gold chipped away to reveal little bits of black iron in some places. There was still white everywhere around them except for the gates and a man behind a white desk with a golden laptop computer in front of him.

“Petey!!” said Mirg with a smile. “Finally went digital I see.”

On the white desk with the golden laptop sat a name plate that said “Peter” on it. There was a young blonde headed man in a white suite and white tie with a white vest sitting behind the desk. “Grimley how are you handsome?” said the man with a very feminine lisp.

“I’m great” said Mirg. “Today is my last day on the job. Just training the new kid. How are you liking a desk free of having a large book with lots of pages?”

“Well let’s put it this way” said Peter. “I never learned how to type so you may want to tell these people they’ll be waiting a while.  Data entry is not my thing honey. So this is the new guy.” said Peter looking Mel up and down with a very judgmental expression.

“Yep. He’s the new angel of death.  After these people are processed I’m gonna go back to the office in Purg, enjoy my retirement party then come back here where you get to put MY name in that computer.” said Mirg with a smile.

Peter eyed Mel up and down. “It’s nice to meet you sir. You’ve got big shoes to fill.  I’m sure you’ll do great things.” said Peter. He want back to looking at his computer mumbling something about a mass car pileup and the quantity of people involved. Peter was typing with his index fingers very slowly.

“Its nice to meet you too.  Well I guess we should be going then?” asked Mel looking back at Mirg.

Peter interjected. “You can’t go just yet. She wants to see him.” said Peter

Mirgs eyebrows raised. “So it’s HER today? So the big lady wants to see him?” asked Mirg

“Don’t shoot the messenger.” said Peter.

Mel looked nervous. “What does h…,uhh she want to see me for? I just got here.” said Mel.

Peter looked at Mel for a moment. “Well you ARE the angel of death right?” asked Peter

“Yeahhhh..” said Mel looking confused.

Peter smiled. “Didn’t you know funny man? Angels get wings.”

Five: Induction

Heaven was white everywhere in its surroundings.  Mel and Mirg had left the load of car pileup victims with Peter and were making their way to see God for the final act of Mel’s official induction as an angel.  As Mel looked around he felt as if the color white was overused just a bit.  There were darker shades of white as Mel and Mirg moved down the ritzy street lined with shops and restaurants and clubs.  People of all ages were talking and laughing and walking.  Kids were dressed in white dresses or suits or white jeans and t-shirts and the men and women seemed dressed in white business suits and free flowing white dresses and the men had various designs of cloths as well as white suits and pants similar to the boys and old men and some of them had just white t-shirts and white jeans.  There wasn’t anyone who didn’t have a smile on their face. There was a cheerful jingle playing on loop. To Mel, it seemed much like an advertisement and he honestly felt like the whole thing was fake. “Are all these people for real?” asked Mel as he looked at Mirg.  

Mirg was smiling and swinging back and forth with his eyes closed with his thumbs in his suspenders humming to the cheerful music playing 

“Mirg!!” yelled Mel.  

Mirg was pulled from his moment of bliss and looked at Mel with slight disappointment. 

“I heard you kid” said Mirg shaking his head.  “And no.  These people aren’t for real.  Think of this as God sayin ‘got ya last’. Its a small jab at your perception of what you’re told Heaven is.  In reality, Heaven is your happiest memories and being surrounded by the people who passed on before you and the company you keep with them.  Because you don’t live in Heaven those are things you won’t see.  We’re here to see someone and nothing more.”

Mel and Mirg had arrived in a residential neighborhood with large white decorative mansions and freshly cut grass with evenly crisscross lawnmower patterns.  Most of them had the curve around driveways that went right up the front doors but there were no cars anywhere.  The street asphalt looked new as if it had just been laid. Everything was clean and beautiful. The trees in the front yards were large oaks with wide trunks.  The air smelled sweet.  

“How do you know which one it is?” asked Mel.

“I’ve been working with God for a long time so I know where God lives.” chuckled Mirg. 

Pretty much all of the mansions looked the same but Mirg and Mel walked to the end of a cal-de-sac to the mansion on the end of the street.  The house was white with roman columns and black iron hanging lanterns from the entrance.  They walked up from the street to a long brick walkway that went to the front door and the walk to the house felt like it went for miles even though the house felt close.  As they neared the entrance to the house they found the house to be larger than normal.  It was as if they had shrunk to the size of house cats. Mel and Mirg took a big step up and Mirg wrapped on the bottom of the oversized white door.  It took a minute or two but the door finally opened on its own.  As they walked inside, the floor was shiny and polished.  The lining between each tile was made of gold and there was a very luxurious couch and end tables to their right against a stair case that seemed to be made for tiny people as if they were in Alice in Wonderland. This was the way it looked inside. Furniture and items that were too small for the size of the mansion as if they were made way too small on purpose.  Mel noticed to his right a rat walking upright wearing a servants suit and no pants.  The rat was about eye level to Mel in height.  He stopped right in front of Mel and Mirg and looked them both up and down. 

“She’ll be here in just a moment.  She’s just wrapping up another meeting.” said the rat.  He nodded his head and took his leave to their left.  A few minutes passed and then Mirg and Mel found themselves growing larger to the proportions of the house and and furniture and tables and the items on the tables seemed to grow with them until everything looked normal in size inside the house. Mel looked at Mirg. 

“What the-?” started Mel but Mirg cut him off.

“Not everything requires explanation kid. You’re dead remember?” said Mirg.

They could both hear the clamor of high heels coming closer and closer to them as a voice echoed through the hall. 

“I’m so sorry to keep you both waiting” said the voice.  

It was the sound of an older woman as she approached dressed in a business suit. She had white and grey hair and looked to be in her sixties but Mel knew that age didn’t have anything to do with anything where he was.  Her voice was low. Almost manly and subtle. 

“Mirg. It’s so good to see you old friend.” said the woman as she approached Mirg and gave him a kiss on each cheek.

  Mirg didn’t seem phased by this gesture at all.  “Congratulations on your retirement.  It’s been a long time coming and you’ve earned it.” said the woman.

Mirg nodded his head in respect.  “Thanks boss.  The pleasure has been all mine and I’m looking forward to a little R and R.  Well….more like an eternity.” chuckled Mirg looking God up and down. “I like the look.  Last time I saw you was about forty years ago and you were a young guy with shaggy brown hair, side burns, purple sunglasses, a bandana around your head with a doobie hangin out of your mouth and we were in the middle of large grassy field surrounded by woods and there was a stage with rock music playing.” said Mirg laughing.

The woman laughed back. “I thought you might like the Woodstock re-creation. Sometimes the same old same old gets boring.  Why not have some booze, weed and a little bit of love in the summer?  Well like I said, it’s good to see you again.  Today feels like the end of an era.  And now it looks like the job will go to you sir.” said the woman as she turned towards Mel.  “Oh I forgot to introduce myself.  Mirg knows who I am but I suppose you don’t.  I’m who you would call God.  In reality I can be anyone or anything I want to be.  Today I’m an old rich woman with a large house on the very end of a street the resembles a very rich neighborhood.  I can make things as I want them to be and leave them that way.  I made all you see.  Heck I made YOU.” said the woman. Before Mel could open his mouth the woman spoke again. “I know what you’re going to ask.  I gave you free will to make your own choices.  You made ones that didn’t land you here…but…you can always change that.  You’re taking on the biggest job no one really wants.  You have the honor and the burden of returning those I made back to the places I made for them to go based on how they treated other people.  You’ll know where to take every person when you meet them and you won’t make a mistake I promise.  That makes this, for you, the easiest job you’ll ever have.  But in order to be an angel, no matter where you live, you need wings.  It comes with the job because you can’t do it without them.  Mirg. Are you ready to hand them over?” asked the woman.

“Got them right here.” said Mirg.

The old man brandished from his chest pocket what looked like a pewter pin with wings.  It looked a lot like something a pilot would give a kid for his first flight on an airplane.  Mirg opened Mel’s palm and placed the small pin in his hand. “Here kid. Put this in your pocket. You have no chance of losing it so no need to wear it.” said Mirg

Mel took the wings and gawked at them.

“What? Did you think they’d be REAL ONES?” said the woman.  “There’s no need for them in a place like this.  The big white feathery wings you’ve seen in all the greatest paintings of the world are mankind’s image of what they think an angel really is.  I’ve known plenty in my time. A couple even betrayed me. I’d hardly call them angels anymore. They’d disagree.  Anyways, when mankind invented the airline I came up with these beauties.  Before that they were actual feathers from a rare albino peacock I made for myself.  Then I decided I would let them flourish on earth so if you’ve ever seen one, that was from my own personal collection of awesome creations.  Sorry I don’t mean to brag.”

Just as Mel had put the wings in his pocket there was what sounded like a loud crash and bang which shook the house.  The woman rolled her eyes. 

“I would have had an opportunity to say ‘speak of the devil’ had I just held off talking about those angels who betrayed me until just now. He’s always been such a reckless driver.” said the woman as she headed to the front door motioning for Mel and Mirg to follow her.  

When she opened the door there was grey smoke drafting in and to the right, crashed into the right side roman column, was an old white vintage convertible with more front to it than back.  It had several chrome exhausts coming out of the side of the hood and the grill was smashed into the column.  

Behind the wheel was a young man with combed back jet black hair and big black soul man sunglasses. He wore a white suit with a black shirt and a white tie and he had a bottle of whiskey in his hand.  He had a sly look on his face as he cracked a drunken smile at Mirg, Mel and God all standing in the doorway. The only person who had a look of surprise was Mel.  The man had a bit of trouble opening the long white door but eventually got it open and stumbled to his feet.  For a moment he just stood there and then opened his arms.

 “Well don’t YOU look pisser today. Howz my f-favorite formmmmer employer d-doin?  Heard th-there was a new angel in town and thought I’d pay my respects.” said the drunken man with an english accent.

“Bea….” said the woman shaking her head. “Why when you come by do you always have to make a drunk entrance and crash your car on my front porch….whatever it happens to look like?  Can’t you just pop in like a normal dark entity?  Of course. I’m sorry. Where are my manners? Mel..was it?” asked the woman facing back towards Mel. “Mel meet my former employee and one of the heads of Hell. Beelzebub.  Of course no one has called him that in a few millennia so we just call him Bea.”

Bea ripped off his sunglass and put them in his suit and then squinted his eyes.  All signs of drunken stupor had left him as he straightened his suit jacket and buttoned it. “Sorry. I couldn’t resist.  I love teasing his holiness..or apparently today HER holiness. And what am I calling you today?” asked Bea in a cocky tone.

“Call me what you’ve always called me.” said the woman.

“Sooooo okay. Let’s see….’full of shit’? Nope? Not that one? ‘Biggest liar of all time’? Not that one either huh.  No today I think I’ll settle on a new one. ‘Biggest bitch of all time’ since you’ve chosen a middle aged over privileged white woman in a mansion too large for one person.” said Bea.  “Hmmm. Still. That’s too long so I’ll just settle on ‘Bitch’ for the day.  Always a pleasure Bitch” said Bea as he did a curtsy.

“What do you want Bea?” said the woman clearly overlooking the insults just hurled at her.

Bea smiled. “Well let me first congratulate the old man on his retirement.  You know Mirg? I know that if you had just joined me when we rebelled all those years ago you’d have had a much more exciting and thrilling life of inflicting torture and trickery on those puny little bags of flesh on that blue rock down there but instead you chose to fight against me AND then of course you decided you’d spend the next several thousand years doing the same stupid job of making people feel just a little less scared about dying.  Cmon man what a joke.  And somehow you still feel like they’re worth saving. Well anyways you chose what you wanted to do and now you’re done with it and now you want to rest…here.  SOOO boring.  I mean she, or he, or whatever this old woman wants to be today, decided that you FINALLY get a place in Heaven to rest.  I mean couldn’t you have just worked from here and had the best life EVER? No. Instead you were sent to Purg. That sunless shit stain of a plain for those who still have to PROVE TO HER that they’re good enough to get to Heaven.  I mean what an EXCLUSIVE little club you have going on here.” said Bea with his arms open and spinning.

Mirg just stood there with his arms folded. “The plan YOU had for the people of that blue ball was terrifying but that would have been after you overthrew God right Bea?  Why don’t you tell us what you were gonna do?  Was it that you were going to use the fire from the sun and engulf that little blue ball and then turn in into a place for the darkest of your evil little creations for you to control?  And really. For what? So you could feel powerful?  Tell you what buddy. I’m glad that stupid plan didn’t work.  And for the record. I chose Purg because I wanted to be surrounded by people who still needed a little time to learn to be better.  I’ve also never hesitated to give you your share of lost souls that can’t be redeemed.  You thrive off them so quite your whining Bea. Just tell us what you want or go home.” said Mirg

“As I said. I’m here to congratulate the new guy.” said Bea as he walked up to Mel and extended his hand.

“I wouldn’t kid.” said Mirg. “He’s a trickster and a con artist. He’d rather convert you than congratulate you.”

Mel pulled his hand back just as Bea reached for it.

Bea stepped back and looked at Mel as if Mel had betrayed him and put his hands out. “I see how it is. I should probably tell you Mel that the wings you have on you are the most powerful ever made.  Yes I understand its just a pin but no matter what the symbol is’ it’s the power behind it that really matters.  Have they told you to guard that with your life? No?  I can tell you right now that even the dead can disappear.” said Bea as he put his hand out as if to grab something.  

What formed in his hand was a long and red hot trident like fork.  Mel could smell the searing flesh as Bea’s hand burned to the touch of it.  Bea didn’t seem phased by the heat at all.  His eyes began to glow Amber with hot coals.  Bea took the fork to Mirg as one of the arrowed tips seared just short of the old mans throat.  “Give me those wings rookie.  If you give them to me I’ll spare this guy here.”

Bea didn’t see the old woman’s hand go around the pole of the red hot fork.  Her touch turned the fork cold and to ice. “You should leave.” said the woman.  “You don’t want to see what I can do to your little block of burning paradise that I’ve so graciously allowed you to keep all these years.”  Her stare into Bea’s eyes were piercing.

Bea released the fork and it disappeared.  He chuckled for a moment. “Hey hey. Let’s all take it easy alright? I was just playing around.” said Bea as he reached for his sun glasses and stepped back putting his hands up. “No harm no foul. For the record. I do like my burning paradise.  Two thousand degrees is still pretty chilly for me.  Well anyways I’d better take off. I’ll be watching you new guy.” said Bea as he turned around and walked down the long brick pathway. He stopped and turned. “Oh. I almost forgot.”  Mirg gave a gasp and looked down. The burning fork that had just disappeared had re appeared through Mirgs chest as it began to burn him to ash from the inside out.  Bea reached out his hand and the fork ripped itself from Mirg as the rest of him burned to ash. The woman reached out her hand as her eyes became white with bright light but it was too late. As soon as Bea had his fork he had disappeared along with the crashed car he was driving.

The woman looked at Mel. “I’m not sure how he was able to do that.  We have a big problem.” said the woman.

Mel was stunned. “Is Mirg gone forever?” asked Mel.

“No” said the woman. “But if we don’t get him back soon he’ll be lost to hell.  I have to figure out how Bea did that.  He shouldn’t have been able to summon that fork unless….he had another pair of wings. He would have had to trick or kill an angel to get those wings.” said the woman. She looked at Mel. “I need your help.  I have to give you a power that you won’t be able to take lightly.  Firstly you should know that there are certain rules for the realms of Heaven and Hell.  Because Bea resides over Hell along with Lucifer I can’t stay in Hell or Purg very long.  The same goes for Bea. He can’t stay here long because he’ll get sent back to where he came from if he doesn’t leave on his own.  I should also tell you something you probably didn’t know. Mirg didn’t just choose Purg as a place to reside in.  He was in charge of Purg and of course with his retirement he was going to tell you that job was yours. Congratulations Mayor. Well, now I need to inform you that you are not only the angel of death but you are the leader and protector of the realm of Purg.  Every angel protector has an armor and sword bestowed on them.  You’re not my first choice for this job but Mirg chose you and I trust him. He’s been my loyal friend since I started all of this. Considering I gave everyone I made free will, I should give you the choice to do this however because there is something awfully wrong with what just happened here, I’m drafting you.” said the woman.

Mel pushed his glasses up with a determined look on his face. “Mirg was my friend. Let’s do this.” said Mirg.

“I like your attitude. I can see why he picked you….sort of. You may not have been much to the people you loved but you’re about to make a difference you were unable to make in life.  Now hold still.” said the woman.

Still standing in the doorway the woman put one hand on Mel’s back and then clapped him in the chest with her other hand.  From her palm flowed a shiny silver metal that wrapped itself around his front and back and solidified into a piece of armor.  On the front of the armor the stick and scythe symbol formed. On Mels back a silver and leather scabbard formed and from that, a longsword formed. the sword was so long that the tip stopped at Mel’s heel. Then as quick as the armor and sword were there, they seemed to absorb into Mel’s body until all that was left again was the white business shirt and grey khaki’s he had died in.

The woman looked at Mel.  “Your journey won’t be easy. Just remember that you have your team back in Purg. They can be way more than just office workers.”

“Where am I going after I talk to my team?” asked Mel.

“Don’t take this the wrong way” said the woman. “I need you to go to Hell.”

Six: The Mod Squad

The wings pin Mel had received saved him time getting back to Purg.  It also meant riding a fast subway train back to the central building in speed and by himself.  When Mel had first come to Purg it was a dull and hazy blue everywhere he looked but something was different.  The sky had an orange tinge out of the corner of his eye but when he looked directly at it, it looked its normal blue.  He couldn’t quite put his finger on it but something felt a little off.  As the subway train went up an incline and over a bridge high above the street heading to the central building Mel pressed his nose against the subway window to look down on the streets below.  They were empty.  No blue hazy people. No blue hazy cars.  Mel walked to the front of the subway car where the conductor would be and no conductor.  Looking out the front of the window, he was approaching the station that went into the central building.  There his team stood on the platform waiting for him. Greta the old lady, Doug the big guy, Parker the short black dude with bad humor and Mel Two, the teenaged girl still chewing her gum.  

The train slowed down of its own accord and Mel exited the train.  Looking at them strangely, he got confused.  

It was Greta who spoke first. “Before you start asking all sorts of questions just listen.  We may know what’s going on but once you hear it you’re gonna feel instant regret at taking this job.  Have you noticed an orange hue out of the corner of your eye?” asked Greta.

“Yeah I did.” said Mel

“That’s what I was afraid of. Its not just us.” said Greta shaking her head

“I also noticed the streets have no one on them.” said Mel

“That’s because everyone knows what may be happening.  Everyone’s gone back indoors.” said Greta

Mel shook his head to Greta in frustration as he clearly didn’t appreciate the guesswork he was currently being put through.

“Annexation” said Doug speaking up.  “The orange hue is Hell.  Its beginning to bleed into Purg.  The citizens of Purg are only protected inside their homes.  The bleed in comes with certain problems.  Deep feelings of regret, sadness.  In others, rage and mischief.  The urge to do harm.  These temptations would accelerate the bleed in and spread among everyone.  That’s why they have isolated themselves.  The only problem with that is if Hell continues to bleed in, it will change the landscape of the city and even people hiding inside their homes won’t be safe.” said Doug looking at Parker

“Yeah and if Purg is annexed, the bridge for Hell to cross to get over to Heaven will be available.” said Parker.  “You see, Purg is put in the middle to protect the kingdom of good from the kingdom of evil.  For thousands upon thousands of years, the realms have been a place of sorting and so people can live an afterlife without inflicting their problems on other’s who don’t deserve it.  If a person in Hell, constantly tormenting themselves, stood next to a person from Heaven, the Heavenly persons compassion would be sucked away by the anguish of the person from Hell.  Hell is torment.  Purg is reflection. Heaven is rest. See what I mean?” explained Parker.  “Purg sits as a realm that souls need to pass through either to redemption to get to Heaven or in the exact opposite direction of the deeply regretful to learn what it is to be at peace. If they aren’t at peace with themselves they are in torment. Normally, either way someone goes, they come here to learn control of those things if they weren’t shiny and kind or just really evil to begin with. Everyone judges themselves.  Hell is a place for those who are caught in a circle with no way to self absolution.  This becomes torment.” said Parker.

“So why can’t God just annex Purg?” asked Mel. “That way God can grab control of Hell and manage the place.”

Mel Two was chewing her gum when she spoke up. “Yeah but Hell thrives on torment the same way Heaven thrives on serenity.  Annexing Hell would have the same effect and there’s no way God would compromise the lives of the good to put Hell under any kind of control.  Hell has a leadership problem. That’s all.”

“Leadership problem?” asked Mel. “Wait.  Is Beelzebub..Bea the leader of Hell?”

“Ohhkay so you’ve met him.” said Doug with apprehension on his face.

“Yeah. He kidnapped Mirg.” said Mel

Doug thought for a minute. “He wanted your wings didn’t he?  He kidnapped Mirg to get you to follow him.  If you go there without knowing how to defend yourself, he’ll take your wings and then put you in the same place he may have put Mirg.  There’s no getting out of there unless you have a key.  Bea won’t give you his but maybe…..nah.  Its not a good idea.” shrugged Doug.

“What idea?” asked Mel

Doug hesitated for a moment. “You could ask Lucifer but I’m not sure if Lucifer will give up the key.  Lucifer co manages Hell for lack of a better term. Lucifer isn’t as crazy as Bea is.” said Doug.

“Wouldn’t Lucifer have the ability to stop all this crap?” asked Mel.  Lucifer is as much the devil as Bea right?”

Greta chuckled. “If Bea is annexing Purg, Lucifer could care less.  There’s nothing in it for Lucifer. Besides. Lucifer would just be happier co managing more if Bea gets a hold of Heaven which I’m sure is fine with Lucifer.”

Mel thought for a moment. “What about this armor and sword God gave me. Do I have any shot against Bea with those?” he asked.

Doug pulled out a large calculator and said, “Hmm.”

Everyone stared at Doug as if he was holding something up. “And what hmmm??” asked Mel.

Doug looked up from his calculator.  “That armor you have is adaptive to where you are.  I’m going to assume God wants you go to go Hell to get Mirg back but gave you the armor just in case you’d have a showdown with Bea.  So there is only one key to using the armor and sword against Bea.  You just have to get him to direct his anger at you.  That armor will absorb his hate but he’s not easily tricked. He know’s what it does.  I think we need to go to Hell and look around for something of his that will truly upset him.” said Doug.

The train car was still sitting behind Mel and hadn’t left.

“Well what are we waiting for?” asked Mel. “Lets go. How do we get there?”

“We’ll take the train” said Greta. “You’re in charge of Purg now. You can now travel freely between the realms.”

“Yeah but I don’t have Mirg to guide me.” said Mel

“You don’t need him to get to Hell said Mel Two.  Just use the subway map.” Mel Two pointed to a faded map that sat at the top corner of the train car.  Mel had never noticed it but it told him how to get to Hell.  It said he had to take the red line.  Just then, the sign ticker changed from the blue line to the red line on its own as if it knew where Mel wanted to go.  Everyone got on board and sat down as the train slide out of the station and into the blue haze that was the city of Purg.  They all stared out the window turning their heads in different directions.  Mel knew they had they were all trying to focus on that orange hue.

Seven: “What’s in it for Me?”

The subway rode for a long time.  This group didn’t look like the type to go fight the devil.  A newly minted Angel of Death unwanted by the living, a teenage girl who wished she could be anywhere but where she was, an overweight nerd with a pocket protector and clothes that looked like he had been at work in the 70’s, a short black man who was afraid of swatting a fly and an old lady who looked like she was on her 1 millionth cigarette.